Horoscope Readings:Real Funny, Real Fake
By: Shontae Walker, Class of 2008
Here at Y-dub we have a keen interest in horoscopes. Everyone enrolled here loves to hear about themselves. So now you have before you the horoscopes readings done by students here. So sit back and feast your eyes on the predictions that were made for each zodiac sign. Now before your eyes continue down the page remember these are unbiased predictions - do not take offense, please. Just chuckle and read the words. Happy reading....
By: Shontae Walker, Class of 2008
Here at Y-dub we have a keen interest in horoscopes. Everyone enrolled here loves to hear about themselves. So now you have before you the horoscopes readings done by students here. So sit back and feast your eyes on the predictions that were made for each zodiac sign. Now before your eyes continue down the page remember these are unbiased predictions - do not take offense, please. Just chuckle and read the words. Happy reading....
Aries (Mar 21-Apr. 20): You sure do know what makes you unique in every way. No one can ever tell you that you are like everyone else. Since you’re so unique how about using it to write for college so Ms. Monge won’t be stressed out. Allow her to at least be proud of you 'cuz of that instead of angry 'cuz you missed yo' scheduled time wit' her. You know how valuable her time is so use it wisely.
Taurus (Apr 21-May 20): You know how to take care of yourself financiallly which helps build your self-confidence, but Taurus' are the main ones who owe like 2 yrs. of school fees and ya’ll know all that adds up! If you don’t wanna hear Ms. Small or Ms. Durham at report card pick up stating that you should pay your fees,then stop buying those expensive clothes & shoes (that you had to put on layaway) and pay Y-dub! Ya’ll know we're lacking financially. Give the school some of ya’ll confidence!!
Gemini (May 21-Jun.21): You are a very intellectual person also communicative. So for your goodwill you better communicate to Mrs. Self or Mr. McCain about your essays that are probably gonna be due within the next two weeks. Also watch out because you will encounter a mysterious character throughout your day at Y-dub.
Cancer (Jun.22-Jul.22): You are the people with harmony but can also stir up some mess on the side. So I strictly revise you to keep to yourself this week because you might have to jump out your body. If you have to jump out of your body jump into either the college prep room or any of your teacher's rooms. I will bet you that you will learn something new.
Leo (Jul.23-Aug.23): You love to be creative, Leo, but just not in Ms. Kosa’s or Ms. Weinmann’s art classes! Ya’ll always have some hobbies to take part in - whether it be bothering the lunch staff or trying to be thirsty to get to the front of the line with your “V.I.P” lunch cards. Watch out now! Ms. Durham is watching you carefully. Stay away from the nachos you’re too creative for that.
Taurus (Apr 21-May 20): You know how to take care of yourself financiallly which helps build your self-confidence, but Taurus' are the main ones who owe like 2 yrs. of school fees and ya’ll know all that adds up! If you don’t wanna hear Ms. Small or Ms. Durham at report card pick up stating that you should pay your fees,then stop buying those expensive clothes & shoes (that you had to put on layaway) and pay Y-dub! Ya’ll know we're lacking financially. Give the school some of ya’ll confidence!!
Gemini (May 21-Jun.21): You are a very intellectual person also communicative. So for your goodwill you better communicate to Mrs. Self or Mr. McCain about your essays that are probably gonna be due within the next two weeks. Also watch out because you will encounter a mysterious character throughout your day at Y-dub.
Cancer (Jun.22-Jul.22): You are the people with harmony but can also stir up some mess on the side. So I strictly revise you to keep to yourself this week because you might have to jump out your body. If you have to jump out of your body jump into either the college prep room or any of your teacher's rooms. I will bet you that you will learn something new.
Leo (Jul.23-Aug.23): You love to be creative, Leo, but just not in Ms. Kosa’s or Ms. Weinmann’s art classes! Ya’ll always have some hobbies to take part in - whether it be bothering the lunch staff or trying to be thirsty to get to the front of the line with your “V.I.P” lunch cards. Watch out now! Ms. Durham is watching you carefully. Stay away from the nachos you’re too creative for that.
Virgo (Aug.24- Sept.22): Being healthy & having a conscious mind feeds your soul, Virgo. So go out right now and eat a stack of salted down stale nachos with week old cheese. (Hint: Ya’ll know where to get that from), but use your conscious mind & please wait 'til you get to a FDA approved place or your house to eat.
Libra (Sept.23-Oct.23): Ya’ll really know what ya’ll want in a relationship but ya’ll don’t neva' keep a boyfriend or a friend. One thing you do well in is helping people solve their problems, but you can be nosey at times so just stick your head in a biology or physics book. Then you’ll say to yourself “WOW! G-weez these plants/Newton’s Laws are more interesting than I thought. What was I ever thinking? I should’ve picked up a book ages ago!!
Scorpio (Oct.24-Nov.22): Yea you’re intense when it comes to your energy level or being as pure as a bottle of Hinckley Springs water, but your energy level will probably die down by the end of the 2nd trimester because you're gon' wish you had kept up with all yo' work! Being pure ain’t no joke. You might want to tell the teacher before you sleep in their class so they can’t tell you to get out ahead of time. Now all you have to do is finish yo' homework for your next class.
Sagittarius (Nov.23-Dec.21): Ya’ll know what lies ahead in the future and also like to encourage people. In some of your classes, ya’ll can soar like our mascot -the ultimate Phoenix, but unlike the Phoenix you gotta keep yo' own body lit but remember the rules “No weapons of mass destruction.” Ms. Small don’t wanna hear about someone tryna' keep their weave or wings lit with a lighter from COSMO. I will guarantee she will have that so called "top flight hall staff" fly you right out the alarm “free” doors.
Capricorn (Dec.22-Jan.20): You take pride in your accomplishments but it can be taken a little overboard. Make sure you do not look like you just stepped out of Y-dub tired, with heavy bags under your eyes, too tight jeans w/a tube top on. If you gon' lead actually look like a leader - not a self-paid street performer! Ya’ll know Ms. Russell is tryna preserve the last of us cornflowers so she will be able to grow a whole new field of sunflowers. She don’t want no cocky cornflower so lower your limbs.
Aquarius (Jan.21-Feb.19): Ya’ll always hoping and wishing for something good to happen. Don’t you think its time to stop that and start actually doing? How old are you guys really?? Ya’ll better start picking up that phone over the weekend before you go see yo boyfriend and call Mrs. Self to ask her how can you improve on yo' grammar usage (as I write these horoscopes in ebonics and slang) or see if you can meet with her and Lucy. Start to pick up a book and start to challenge Mr. McCain on the analysis of the history behind the Hip Hop culture. Make him stop stroking his initials on people’s papers and challenge his argument on 50 Cent and Kanye West.
Pisces (Feb.20- Mar.20): Healing fast is what ya’ll do since ya’ll are so compassionate and all. Before its too late, move that little halo from ova' yo' head 'cuz everyone knows your hidden secrets. Get those skeletons out ya’ll closets 'cuz Ms. Whitfield, Tapia, Ms.Monge, & Mr. McCain know about at least one secret. You can’t deny it. They're sum old skool riders! You don’t wanna mess wit' dem! One thing you need to do is thank Ms.Monge for putting your future before hers! Thank Tapia for teaching ya’ll that being taught TRADITIONAL Spanish es muy estupido! Thank Ms. Whitfield for holding on to ya’ll secrets and not telling yo' friend that you tricked on her and finally, thank Mr. MC “Hammer” McCain for introducing you to his scary world of revelations, “real talk”, and thinking outside the Cain box.
Libra (Sept.23-Oct.23): Ya’ll really know what ya’ll want in a relationship but ya’ll don’t neva' keep a boyfriend or a friend. One thing you do well in is helping people solve their problems, but you can be nosey at times so just stick your head in a biology or physics book. Then you’ll say to yourself “WOW! G-weez these plants/Newton’s Laws are more interesting than I thought. What was I ever thinking? I should’ve picked up a book ages ago!!
Scorpio (Oct.24-Nov.22): Yea you’re intense when it comes to your energy level or being as pure as a bottle of Hinckley Springs water, but your energy level will probably die down by the end of the 2nd trimester because you're gon' wish you had kept up with all yo' work! Being pure ain’t no joke. You might want to tell the teacher before you sleep in their class so they can’t tell you to get out ahead of time. Now all you have to do is finish yo' homework for your next class.
Sagittarius (Nov.23-Dec.21): Ya’ll know what lies ahead in the future and also like to encourage people. In some of your classes, ya’ll can soar like our mascot -the ultimate Phoenix, but unlike the Phoenix you gotta keep yo' own body lit but remember the rules “No weapons of mass destruction.” Ms. Small don’t wanna hear about someone tryna' keep their weave or wings lit with a lighter from COSMO. I will guarantee she will have that so called "top flight hall staff" fly you right out the alarm “free” doors.
Capricorn (Dec.22-Jan.20): You take pride in your accomplishments but it can be taken a little overboard. Make sure you do not look like you just stepped out of Y-dub tired, with heavy bags under your eyes, too tight jeans w/a tube top on. If you gon' lead actually look like a leader - not a self-paid street performer! Ya’ll know Ms. Russell is tryna preserve the last of us cornflowers so she will be able to grow a whole new field of sunflowers. She don’t want no cocky cornflower so lower your limbs.
Aquarius (Jan.21-Feb.19): Ya’ll always hoping and wishing for something good to happen. Don’t you think its time to stop that and start actually doing? How old are you guys really?? Ya’ll better start picking up that phone over the weekend before you go see yo boyfriend and call Mrs. Self to ask her how can you improve on yo' grammar usage (as I write these horoscopes in ebonics and slang) or see if you can meet with her and Lucy. Start to pick up a book and start to challenge Mr. McCain on the analysis of the history behind the Hip Hop culture. Make him stop stroking his initials on people’s papers and challenge his argument on 50 Cent and Kanye West.
Pisces (Feb.20- Mar.20): Healing fast is what ya’ll do since ya’ll are so compassionate and all. Before its too late, move that little halo from ova' yo' head 'cuz everyone knows your hidden secrets. Get those skeletons out ya’ll closets 'cuz Ms. Whitfield, Tapia, Ms.Monge, & Mr. McCain know about at least one secret. You can’t deny it. They're sum old skool riders! You don’t wanna mess wit' dem! One thing you need to do is thank Ms.Monge for putting your future before hers! Thank Tapia for teaching ya’ll that being taught TRADITIONAL Spanish es muy estupido! Thank Ms. Whitfield for holding on to ya’ll secrets and not telling yo' friend that you tricked on her and finally, thank Mr. MC “Hammer” McCain for introducing you to his scary world of revelations, “real talk”, and thinking outside the Cain box.
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